King Arthur and his knights of the round table with their servants, "ride" up to a castle. King Arthur's servant, Patsy, blows a horn.
Arthur: HELLO!
Bedevere: HELLO!
A guard appears at the top of the rampart. He speaks in an outrageous French accent.
Soldier: 'Allo! 'Who is it?
Arthur: It is I, King Arthur, and these are my knights of the Table. Whose castle is this?
Soldier: This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard.
Arthur: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
Soldier: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen, he's got one, you see?
Arthur: What?
Lancelot: He says they've already got one!
Arthur: (confused) Are you sure he's got one?
Soldier: Oh yes, it's very nice, (to the other soldiers) I told them we've already got one!
Arthur: (taken a bit off balance) Well... ah, um... Can we come up and have a look?
Soldier: Of course not! You are English types.
Arthur: Well, what are you then?
Soldier: : (Indignant) I'm French! Why do you think I have this out-rrrageous , you silly king?!
Galahad: What are you doing in England?
Soldier: : Mind your own business!
Arthur: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!
Soldier: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a person! I blow my nose at your, so-called "Arthur Keeeng"! You and all your silly English Kniggets!!!
Galahad: What a strange person!
Arthur: (getting mad) Now look here, my good man
Soldier:I don't wanna talk to you no more, you animal food-trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a and your father smelt of !
Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
Soldier: No! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
Arthur: : Now this is your last chance! I've been more than reasonable....
Soldier: (to four other soldiers, standing behind him on the rampart) Fetchez la vache.
Other Soldier: quoi?
Soldier: : Fetchez la vache!